A Public Service Announcement – do NOT put this shit on "your shit"

fresh_new_big I have no freaking clue why we bought this shit.  It is evil, evil, evil.

I’m a guy – I wash my hair and my body in the same damn thing – soap – usually shampoo.  I’ve been doing it for 45 fucking years and never experienced what I did today.

My kids often use my shower – and they both have foo-foo shampoos, and rinses and conditioners and other shit to get the rest of that shit out of their hair.  Me?  I grasp for a bottle on the shelf, and if it says anything remotely like “shampoo” then I’ll use it.  Even some wild bright purple shit my ex used to buy.

This has worked very well for me for over four decades – I never had to worry about shampoo or soap – there are enough people in my house obsessed with that crap that I was covered.

No more!  I will pay fucking attention from now on!

Look at the quote below from this product’s web site – the last sentence.  No place there does it tell you that this “shampoo” also contains a cross between Ben-Gay and Battery acid.  And I have no clue if the Ben-Gay/Battery Acid combination is good for you hair or not.

IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MANY OTHER PARTS OF THE ANATOMY!

It should be banned by the UN, immediately!

This shit is toxic! 

On your scalp, it feels ok – in fact, it feels like fucking shampoo.  But as you start soaping up other parts you quickly notice that it feels a little cold.  Hah!  THAT DOES NOT LAST LONG!  The battery acid kicks in about 15 seconds later as your balls feel as if they are burning from the inside out.  If you are also unfortunate enough to get a little of it on your anus then I think you will know what it feels like to be a 130 pound guy in a Federal Penitentiary – your ass will hurt! 

Really – stay the hell away from this product!  I am reporting it to the FDA, the FAA, the SPCA, the DMV, the FBI, the CIA, and the DA.  Shit – I may even warn Al Quida about this shit! And any other three letter acronym (TLA) agencies I can find.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE – THIS SHIT COULD KILL A WEAKER MAN!

And if after reading this your wife suddenly starts buying this – be very, very afraid!  She is no longer your friend!

And really, seriously – this shit feels like it is radioactive – you do NOT want it on “the boys”!

Pert, what the fuck?  What are you thinking?  Did you ever use this shit?!?!?!

  

Pert Plus always gives you the look you want. Are you tired of wasting your time in the shower only to end up with dull, weighted-down hair? Pert Plus makes that routine a thing of the past. Our 2-in-1 technology and fresh fragrance give anyone lighter and livelier hair than the best selling separate shampoo and conditioner system. No matter what your hair type, Pert Plus leaves less residue and no build-up.

And Pert Plus’ easy-to-read labeling helps you find the version that is just right for your hair.

Pert Plus Shampoo plus Conditioners – Products

Comments

  1. LMAO! Rob…

    Until this Blog, I USED TO do the same thing, now you have successfully completed your public service as I am sufficiently paranoid to avoid such personal pain. Not that I intend to have any more kids, but I sure as hell don’t want castration by Chemistry. LOL!

    Lynn 😛

  2. @Kami – I figure I have spent enough time around women discussing things like “tender breasts” or “sensitive nipples” that I should be able to graphically describe a very real danger facing men. To serve my readers, of course!

    🙂

  3. TMI! You are hysterical.

  4. Hilarious! This is exactly why I read the blog.

    BTW, I do the same thing with Shampoo and have had a few “not so great” incidences myself.

    Anything that advertises a “tingly” experience for your scalp is a no-no. Especially dandruff type shampoos (Found that one out while in college sharing a bathroom with 6 others, one apparently with dandruff…)

    My buddy naired his nuts one time and said the first time he did it, it hurt so bad he fell out of the shower! No surprise, as the bottle explicitly advises against using it in that manner…

  5. Lynn – I am glad you enjoyed my experience more than I did (BTW – Cindy called and asked me just exactly WHICH brand of Pert it was. Be careful – she may just put it in a blue bottle to fuck with you)

    Best of luck!

    Rob

  6. I lauged so damn hard I cried. I had people walking my office and asking what was wrong with me. LMAO! I realize you were probably crying for a different reason… and sorry for your pain, but I truely appreciated to have a much needed laugh.

    I had to come back and read it again, and have shared it with most of those who didn’t understand why I was crying and having difficulty breathing. ROFL!

    So… no green bottles for Rob. LOL!

    Tanke Care.

  7. Oh no – I know Glenfiddich! (Rather well!)

    I have disposed of a LOT of Glenfiddich though 😉

  8. My GOD, I hope it wasn’t Glenfiddich!!

    http://www.glenfiddich.com/the-range/

  9. Actually – I will used POWDERED dishwasher detergent before I will allow any fucking green bottles in my shower again.

    My daughter screamed earlier (as I was throwing away some other green bottles of shit) that, “But Daddy, that’s e x p e n s i v e!

    I don’t give a shit. It was in a green bottle.

  10. It’s fucking soap alright … for better results, next time use dishwasher detergent .. that’s fuck1ng soap too!

    (Can’t wait for THAT post…)

    Rob, you may not have noticed this before .. but NOT all body parts are equal in sensitivity!

  11. This made me laugh SOOOOO hard!!! Sorry it was at your expense, but ahh man-that was funny. :mrgreen:

  12. I see no generic reason NOT to use shampoo on my “other parts”. It’s fucking soap, right?

    And no, I would never use anything labeled “dilapidated” on my “other parts” 😯

  13. Not sure why you’re puting shampoo on your balls and in your ass, but since you’re sharing a bathroom with other people (and use THEIR stuff): next time you grab something to wash your hair with… look for the word ‘depilatory’ .. if it has that on the container, use TWICE as what you normally would use!

    It will help you understand why you shouldn’t use stuff for things it wasn’t intended for!

    But thanks for the warning anyway.. 😉

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