Being Stupid And Litigious Is No Way To Go Through Life

[edit] -someone just asked why I assumed this guy was a lawyer, since the Techcrunch post didn’t say he was.  First, the person that IM’d me said it was a lawyer and that stuck in my head.  Second – the guy was dumb enough to support my preconception that he was a lawyer. 

OK. [Pause. Collect thoughts. Remember you will be ranting about a litigious lawyer before you continue]

Alright – got it together. So (allegedly) an alleged lawyer (allegedly) is asking Techcrunch (allegedly) to pay either $150K or $1.5 MILLION USD for (allegedly) using a picture on Techcrunch that is (allegedly) owned by an alleged client of the (alleged) lawyer.

Fuck it – let’s assume the entire TechCrunch article is alleged for my purposes (to not get sued by an alleged attorney I am about to call the scum of the earth, perhaps).

So you have to listen to the two voicemail’s that were (allegedly) left by the (alleged) lawyer. Go do that now – jump to Techcrunch here (opens in a new windows, so it will be easy (allegedly) for you to find your way back here.)

OK, now go back and read the Techcrunch post.

So, we are now in sync? I asked you to listed to the voicemail’s before reading the post so that you could better understand the claims Techcrunch is making. They are pretty inflammatory:

  • Techcrunch is saying that this alleged lawyer is an idiot. I cannot substantiate that conclusion – I can only base my opinion on the evidence so far provided. The alleged lawyer is a bona-fide moron (allegedly).
  • Techcrunch is also stating this alleged lawyer is not in any fashion tech savvy (complete fucking idiot).

The lawyer on the other hand seems to affirm everything TechCrunch is saying – and then some – via his own words.

So there you go – take a geek over a lawyer every time. You know why? Because even a dumb geek  (not referring to Mike!) knows enough to hire a good lawyer. I mean, a lawyer different from this one.

And a really smart geek knows how/when/and why to use the dumb lawyer’s own actions against them.

Go for blood, Mike. Sue him back for loss of income, harassing your clients, burning your bandwidth (I would claim the initial email is spam, and pursue some type of prosecution that way).

But Mike – don’t just stop by making him stop trying to sue you. MAKE HIM STOP PERIOD. You can do this by going on the offensive. Attack back. Put this little scum out of business.

Now the most ridiculous claim yet. Richard Figueroa, who claims to have the rights to this image of Ashton Kutcher, is demanding that we pay him $150,000 immediately or else hell sue us for $1.5 million.

Being Stupid And Litigious Is No Way To Go Through Life


  1. Actually, it looks like this tool is a photographer. Here is his MySpace page:

  2. Actually, it was a direct quote from Dean Wormer to Flounder:

    “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

  3. @Ike – my immediate thought was the Keystone cops – but I can see how Animal House might be a better choice! Maybe even Fast Times at Ridgemont High (The lawyer did sound stoned or something!)

  4. Thanks. I now have an insatiable desire to watch Animal House.