I don’t know why, but I have shrunk and grown

I went and bought some new clothes today.  Specifically some shirts and jeans (ok, some underwear too – Spiderman, to be exact).

Anyway, I tried on a pair of Target-branded jeans.  The size was 32-31, and the fit well.  I didn’t like how they looked tough (already faded… I like new-looking jeans).  So I found some Levi-Strauss – same size, $16 more.  I didn’t try them on.

I never shop and buy just one of anything – if I find something I like, I buy 4-5 of them.  This way I don’t have to go back very often (I hate shopping).

So I bought five pairs.  I got them home and NONE of them fit, yet they are all marked as size 32-31.  How can this happen?!?!  The other pants fit fine on the waist and the length, and these were too damn tight on the waist and looked like 35 on the length.  So I guess I go back to the store and exchange them.  Why isn’t 32-31 ALWAYS 32-31? 

If you think your computer crashes a lot now, imagine if clothing designers did the programming.  Imagine Excel programmed by Tommy Hilfiger: “It looks awesome, but it can’t add for shit”.

Why can’t we just measure sizes in freaking inches and make them all the same?  Hell, at this point, I’ll even settle for the decimal system – as long as we all just get it together.

Better yet, color code the shit, like Giranimals.  Give me one color for size and another for “matches with…”.  That way I can shop in minutes, and it’ll always be right.  That way I would feel comfortable ordering clothes over the Internet.  That way I wouldn’t have to make another damn trip to the store just to get material to over my ass in 103 degree weather.

Ah well.  If I ran the world, stop lights would  always be synchronized and spammers would be publicly executed.


  1. Competitive eating?!? WOW. This is why Target and Wally world suck when it comes to clothing. It is cheap. They make me mad.

  2. Paul Claessen says:

    .. besides … you DO eat!

    I have seen it.

    It was a late friday afternoon in September, 2001.

    You probably thought nobody was watching you …

    But granted, I don’t suspect you of being a member of this club: http://www.ifoce.com/ (see their list of records!!)

  3. Paul Claessen says:

    You’re preaching to the choir, buddy! *burb*

  4. Usually they are all too large! But then I don’t eat. THere are plenty of calories and nutritional value in beer. Really. No, really.


    I mean it.

    Try it – it’s a great diet – kept me at High School weight for 30 years.

    Really now – don’t argue until you try it!

  5. Paul Claessen says:

    Have you noticed too that usually when a store has a ‘cheap’ line of clothing, they always seem to have only three sizes: too small, too big and WAAAAY too big?