I know what I would have done – I would NOT have had the DNA test done…

A friend of mine called me today – I hadn’t heard from him in almost 7 years.  He found my blog, emailed me, and we got back in touch.

His wife and kids, my ex-wife and kids spent a LOT of time together.  We lived so close together you could hear conversations through the walls.

As we are getting caught up on things this friend starts to tell me the story of him and his wife getting divorced, about 4 years ago.  For whatever reason (I didn’t really get a clear answer to why), he had paternity tests done for “his children” – and neither of them are his.

They are now 17 and 14 and have never known another dad, and for 17 years he thought he was the father.  He loves these kids completely.  I’ve seen the way he interacts with them – he is a damn good father.  Paternity test or not, he is their dad.

But I still don’t understand why he would get the test done.  My kids are my kids, I don’t give a damn at this point if someone else planted the seed – I watered them, fed them, nourished them, taught them right from wrong.  They are mine – and nothing could ever change that.  Certainly not a blood test.

I know my friend feels the same way, but I also know he is now confused and he didn’t need to be.

I can’t understand why he got the test done.  I wouldn’t have.  Certainly I wouldn’t have done it just to avoid paying child support (I know that wasn’t his motivation because the kids live with him now).  I don’t understand his motivations – but I’ll ask him next time we speak.  It had been too long since we had talked for me to get that deep into “his business”.

Or maybe he’ll comment here, and let us all know…  since I know he’s reading now.


  1. Deannie, this certainly could be the case.  I know he would do whatever he could to protect his kids.


  2. Some women can be very vindictive. Is it possible that the taunt was thrown out there that "they aren’t even your kids, why do you want them to live with you??" That could cause a man to stop and reflect if he was having strong doubts about truly ending the relationship if he was the innocent mate. Once he had facts in hand it could have been the very thing that helped him come to a reasonable conclusion that yes, he wants HIS kids away from a very cruel person.