It’s true – I don’t like Doctors

But sometimes they take it personally. For the first time since getting my new gig, I used my new Doctor. She’s very nice, but I was there for the Flu/Strep throat that has been kicking my ass and she wanted to talk about the entire freaking anatomy.

Finally I told her, “Look, let’s just get me over this current shit, and we’ll work on some of your other concerns, OK?”

Her response? “You are lying to me – you won’t come back until the next time you are miserable”.

BINGO! You win the grand prize, Lady Doctor! Because you are absolutely, positively 100% correct!

Why? Because your goal is to FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. If I have flaws that AREN’T bothering me, then honestly, I prefer keeping it that way for as long as I can. When they start bothering me TOO much, I’ll come see you. Perhaps in time – perhaps not. But shouldn’t that be MY call?

I guess not, since I just got a call from her office telling me she had set an appointment for me tomorrow. Oh, it was a computer that called, which sucked. It isn’t very satisfying telling a machine to shove itself up its own ass! (I DID try though). I won;t be seeing you tomorrow, Lady Doctor.

So, Dear Doctor Lady – let’s make a deal. I promise to come visit you whenever it is the lesser evil between seeing you, and the the pain/discomfort/odd growth/whatever that drives me there. But in between you need to leave me alone and instead anticipate with joy that the next time you see me I will be ABSOLUTELY miserable, and you can say, “I told you so”. And should I grow a large brain tumor in that period you can really gloat about it. Deal?

One more thing – don’t remind me that smoking is bad for me. I know that. I knew it before you were born 🙂

Work with me here!

Gads, I hate Doctors 🙂


  1. Shirley Elliott says:

    I don’t like doctors. They are wasting all my time and money and don’t help at all.
    Fed UP

  2. @Kate
    I’m with you! IMHO, medical science was doing just fine until “medicine” began to equal “medicines” and became financed by the non-science members of big pharma. I doubt the doctor lady really expects Rob to show up for the appt. her computer set for him. She will probably never even know because all she sees is who is on her schedule for any given day. She will only notice when he does go back to see her and her computer spits out her list of appts for that day. There will be a little annotation telling her that he was a no-show, they can continue their sparring match, and all will be well.

  3. @Paul
    Because Breast Cancer runs in my family as well as heart attacks. I’m paying more attention to those because if something pops up then I will check it. Rob’s doc is being nosy by assuming that he will return. Granted, that is just how she runs her practice but don’t assume that he will show up just because there is another appointment set for him and without his consent. I do get your main point. I just don’t feel the need to bother someone when I am fine. That is just me.

  4. Paul Claessen says:

    @Rob, thanks for correcting my typo’s.

    @Kate … I’m a bit puzzled by your latest post. What is it that you think I haven’t figured out (and need Rob for to help me figure it out)?
    Also, you apparently DO go have medical examinations, even though you don’t feel sick, which was my whole point: that’s good, and wise.
    Only, why restrict such checks to the body parts that most men tend to see before they see you? There are other sources of nastiness worth checking for.
    And which ‘doc’ is being nosey and how so?

  5. @Paul
    Getting my ladies checked is what every woman should do. My ladies are still mine and I am proud of them….Most men tend to see them before they see me..If you haven’t figured that out then you should talk to Rob, my brother-in-law.
    Hey Rob, that doc is just damn nosey.

  6. @Paul – seems to work for me 🙂 I think it is only active for 30 minutes after making the post. (PS, I did correct two typos for you 😉 )

  7. Paul Claessen says:

    Rob: your “Click to Edit”-comment appears to be broken….

  8. Paul Claessen says:

    @Kate, with all due respect, but you are missing, or ignoring, my main point: you don’t necessarily KNOW whether you’re healthy or not!
    FEELING healthy doesn’t always mean you ARE healthy.

    The reason I keep hammering on it, is that this is actually what happened to me: I used to be one of those people who would only go see a doctor when one or more limbs were missing or spontaneously fell off.

    Until one day I HAD to go see a doctor because a life insurance company MADE me. (Guess why they do that?)

    And a routine urine analysis revealed a VERY serious disease, that without treatment, could VERY rapidly lead to all kinds of nastiness like blindness, indeed losing limbs! and a very premature death.
    Let me emphasize, I felt GREAT going into that first doctors visit.
    Also, now, with the proper care and medication I’m fairly safe.
    Without that visit, … who knows how far gone I would’ve been by now, without hope of ever getting it under control.

  9. Paul Claessen says:


  10. @Paul

    The reason I don’t go to a doctor is because I’m healthy. Yes, I do smoke but even the doctor is floor when my bp is always aroud 110/60. I don’t want to go because there is no reason for me to waste mine and his time. I eat fairly right and do a bit of walking so unless I start to bleed or pass out, I am not going to go to the doctor. It was how I was raised. I used to see no point in flu shot but being a teacher, I do see the point. My ladies get their check up so like I said if it aint broke don’t screw with it.

  11. Paul Claessen says:


    When there is really nothing wrong with you, you’re right, there is no point in going to a doctor.
    So why would we go see a doctor at least once a year?
    Isn’t the answer obvious?
    You don’t KNOW whether or not there is something wrong with you!
    You go to a doctor for a yearly physical to increase the odds of nipping something nasty in the butt (no pun intended).
    Too many people die of diseases that could have been treated succesfully if they had been discovered earlier.
    I can see why some people only go see a dentist when they can’t stand the pain anymore (even though that is stupid): that’s because every single visit to a dentist is at its best very uncomfortable. A doctor’s visit almost never is. Unless you’re really offended by those wel meant (and true!) observations about smoking and/or weight. But hey, that’s a small price to pay.

  12. Why bother going to the doctor when there is really nothing wrong? I went to my doc about year ago and before that it was 5 years. He made a comment about that and I said why should I come to you when there’s really nothing wrong with me. If it aint broke why the hell should I go to the doc.

  13. Paul Claessen says:

    “I have flaws that AREN’T bothering me”

    Especially for a former medic AND a dad with kids who need their dad, you’re acting childish and you’re being naive.

    I have flaws that AREN’T bothering me too. But it would be REALLY bad if I wouldn’t let a doctor keep those flaws (diabetes) under control!

    GROW UP!
    *grabs him by the ear* Don’t make me come over there!
    Go see her, or else I will call her and have her make you an appointment for a colonoscopy. And I will tell her that you prefer those without sedation!