(I wonder if this will be considered a legal document – it is my wish and intent that it is).
So, for various reasons, I don’t trust a written will. If I had one in a house and bank in San Diego, both might have been burned by now. But putting it online ensures it’s available forever, right? Google cache, The Wayback Machine – someone will have a copy.
Anyway, just to make this simple. I’d like to stick my two best friends Bob Cole and Bruce Hughes with coming in and sanitizing my belongings. You know, clear things off my hard drives, make sure I didn’t leave two kilo’s of cocaine under my bed, de-inflate the girl in my closet – basic cleanup. They have absolute discretion over what they do with my stuff until they deem it is "clean". They have primary initial access to my residence, web properties, and any financial accounts.
Anything historically interesting (as deemed by Bob and/or Bruce) will be donated to whoever is willing to keep them safe. I like the Witte Museum, but it’s up to them.
Everything else will be sold for cash value and the proceeds split equally among my children (deducting $3800 from my daughter’s share since I had to pay for her braces 3 times – long story). It was in no way her fault, but it still bugs me.
My dog will decide who gets to live with him.
My personal papers, including this website, will be simultaneously deleted and/or burned at a party that will be open to anyone/everyone. The first 5 kegs of beer will be on my "estate". Any leftovers can and should be claimed by the cleansing team.
All of the books that pass the cleansing process will be donated to RoomToRead.
I don’t want my body buried. I would prefer to be "blown up" but there are laws prohibiting that. Let some mad scientist (or even a sane doctor) take what they find useful and please just dispose of the rest of it. I DO NOT want any of my family members to have me sitting in a jar on the fucking mantle, thank you very much.
So, to my lawyer friend looking for a case study on online wills – now all you have to do is wait for me to die – and litigate 🙂