I’ve been really busy since SXSW. Met some really great people there that convinced me to start my own SM “firm”. I put that in quotes because I am not so sure just how firm it is. But it feels firm. Sometimes firm feels fake, but this firm feels real. Firm but with flesh. So kinda firm. Fleshy-firm.
I’m going to start managing Social Media for third parties. I’ve already obtained a lot of useful twitter handles that I think will drive business, like @comcastreallyreallyreallyfreakingcares and @buyafordbecausetheywontkillyoulikeToyotawill and @Ilovethefactthatwalmartletsmespendmoneyintheirstores
The really long twitter names are not an accident. I really don’t want to work too hard on this stuff and really long names give me even less characters to “share” with your customers – who really don’t care who I am except for the value I add to you. Besides – you pay me by the character so I am saving you a TON of money since I charge only 75% on the characters in the handle (LIMITED TIME OFFER!)!
I want a check and I am measuring my worth by dollars/character – so short conversations mean I make more – which adds value to you. And if I make more I know my customers are happier. Because that is what motivates them – making me happy. And that is how your business wins, and gets to that next amazing level – of making me happy.
But it is all about the customer – so I hope I get a couple. Especially some with money, because they rock.
I want to help you sell more stuff to your customers. I have Twitter bots, spambots, robots, and ding-bats all ready to help me help you help your business grow!
I’m an online social media expert. I am a wizard at talking to your customers. I will make you millions and take only about half of it. Sometimes I take less than more than half. Call me – I am open to almost anything that moves money from you to me!
That is just the way I guru it.
Together we are twice as good as I am without your money!
Please feel free to contact me with proposals that gain me more than 50% of your company – but sorry – I don’t accept debt anymore. I’m so beyond that! So make sure you at least make enough money to pay me enough to make you look amazing and make me feel marvelous. If you underpay me you will be perceived as weak. And in some cultures with a small penis. Go big or stay home.
And if you just don’t have time to talk to me, but want the benefits of working with me, just send some money to kr8tr on PayPal and we’ll both be happier. And your investors will be amazed by what you have accomplished!
And don’t forget – I don’t make money unless I take money from you. Really!
I guarantee it!
This should be an amazing new stage in my career – and in your business. Prove it to yourself – take that first step now. SEND ME MONEY. The results won’t be measurable but they are guaranteed.
BTW – I am currently offering a 1% discount (on pseudo-services only) to anyone that gets me an iPad before 05APR10.