My Daughter. My Rules.

If you wish to date my daughter there are some things you need to know.  About me, and mostly about her.

She is extremely intelligent.  Don’t let the fact that she is cute confuse you.  She is smarter than you are. And I am smarter than she is.  Between the two of us you cannot fool us. Treat her poorly once, and feel the wrath.  You won’t have a second chance to treat her poorly.

Do not pull up in my driveway and honk your horn.  You will not like the results you get.  Really.  I am not running a drive thru.

Don’t try and call me “Mr La Gesse” unless you REALLY know how to pronounce our last name.  If you screw it up you make a bad impression.  You don’t get any bonus points for trying – and failing.  Just call me “Sir” until I introduce myself (usually as “Rob”).  And once I introduce myself as Rob, don’t call me anything else.  I don’t really like “Sir” or “Mr.”  Rob suits me.  Once I give you that permission.

Of course, I expect you to respect me.  I *demand* that you respect my daughter.  And if you are not yet 18 and you hurt her in any way – no problem.  I can wait until you are 18.  At 18 I can kick your ass without worrying about child abuse charges.  I am a patient man.  But really – can you enjoy your 18th birthday knowing I am just about to pounce?  Better to be safe.

Realize I was in the Military, and I have a health care background.  The health care background may come in handy, since knowing how to relieve pain also taught me a great deal about how to inflict it.

Feeling lucky?

Don’t – not with MY daughter.

I have few fears.  Death is not one of them and you certainly are not one of them.

Treat her VERY well and you may even find that I appear to be friendly.  But never turn your back – I am constantly evaluating and re-evaluating you.  You have a very small margin of error.  You aren’t allowed a single mistake.  I know this may seem unfair.  Deal with it.

Make her cry and I make you cry.  Harm her physically in any way and I will mail you a package at Christmas.  Hopefully the Doctors will be able to reattach what I had previously removed from your anatomy.  I doubt it though – they will probably be shrivelled by then.

Think I’m joking?  Think again.

I am a Protector.  I protect my employees to a fault, so imagine how I deal with family, much less my daughter.

You want to date my daughter?  I admire your courage.  The fact you know this and still ask tells me a lot about you.  You are either brave and decent, or totally stupid.  I’ll deal with the stupid ones quickly.  The brave and decent ones, over the course of a few decades, might just prove to me that they are worthy.

Maybe.

Comments

  1. Dear Matthew’s Mom and Rob: I apologize for Gregory. He’s our resident FriendFeed disruptor, and means no harm.

  2. @gregorylent: Question: Do you have children? If you don’t, you don’t have the necessary credentials to make any comment.

  3. control-freak, hiding it behind a kind of wisdom and ego idea of protection … yikes

  4. My sincere apologies, Monsieur La Gesse. I am, admittedly, a quote-collecting junkie. As most of Wilde’s quotes are satirical and paradoxical, I should feel guilty for exploiting them and causing you feelings of emasculation…..but, I am enjoying it immensely…..(Did I say I was sorry? Oh! Sorry!)

    Hmmmm,……Wilde and emasculation…..I HOPE there is no hidden meaning in THAT particular sentence!! I know we are living in a very “liberated” era, (especially compared to the 1800’s), during which time, as I comprehend, Wilde was living a rather “emasculated” life-style. I am admittedly & unashamedly old-fashioned. What you do, think or believe is your business,– of course.

    Methinks it is time to write my own manifesto in regards to M. spending “a bit of time with you”…..oh gee, I hope you clear this one up soon, before I make a complete fool of myself, (perhaps I already have?) I have a terrible tendency to speak or write with unadulterated, humorous sarcasm.

    Ah,…..life without humor,…..where would I be? Life is much too important to be taken seriously…………..

  5. @Matthew’s Mom – you *must* quit using Oscar Wilde against me (or even for me!). I thought I had a niche going here…. but you bring up MORE and MORE common sense things Oscar opined about. 🙂

    Emasculates my entire Oscar theme 🙂

    Hee hee

  6. @maryam – I haven’t said it often enough or publicly enough – I Love You! 🙂 DEAL with it, Robert!

  7. Great post. It made me laugh but it also made me miss my Dad and wish that he had met Robert.

  8. “This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
    Oscar Wilde

  9. @Matthew’s Mom – Thanks. I have a lot invested in her, so I am protective. But I know I need to let go at some point – and I will, a bit at a time, and with a lot of external forces involved in driving me down that path 🙂

    I am glad you got to meet her – wondering how Matthew will like spending a bit of time with me! 🙂

    Matthew?

    Hah!

    Rob 🙂

  10. Rob, I was laughing so much after reading this post. The tone in your post makes it awesome! 🙂 Nice one!

  11. Had the pleasure of meeting your daughter this evening, Monsieur La Gesse. A beautiful girl, inside and out, and smart enough to appreciate your concern for her.

    That’s one amazing thing about children,–their paradigms, (generally speaking), are wonderfully unbiased and clear.

  12. Awww 🙂

    You make a very fine parent Rob. A very fine one…

  13. @Chad, @Jane @Major – thanks!

  14. Nice one. 🙂 I’m saving this post for my future daughter’s boyfriend. Good luck to Michael or Matthew. 😀 My favorite: “You want to date my daughter? I admire your courage.” and I have this feeling that you mean every word.

  15. Great post Rob! Thoughtful and entertaining at the same time 🙂

  16. Very good post, Mr. La Gesse. 😉

  17. @Mathew and @Rob’s Daughter – good choice. Bad enough you each have a parent in this discussion!

  18. I need to close comments on this post, as I continue to dig a hole – I was talking to a Michael and writing about a Mathew. Perhaps I confused them. One of them is dating my daughter (I guess) and one of them is writing a blog post on Cloud Computing (I guess). Perhaps it is the same guy, which would be really cool, because then we would have something to talk about besides my daughter!

  19. No comment. 🙂

  20. Rob's Daughter says:

    No Comment. 🙂

  21. Ahh! Good stuff, and I do take it to heart. But quoting Oscar Wilde back to me? Priceless!

    Thanks for stopping by, and sharing. While my post certainly wasn’t directed at Matthew, I *am* glad he read it. I am actually even a bit glad if it scares him some.

    I have a lot invested in my kids, so I protect them. And since I won custody I have felt extra pressure to not “screw it up” for other single fathers that may follow me.

    But Oscar Wilde? Really? You pull THAT trump card on me? 🙂 Nice move!

  22. Touché, Monsieur La Gesse! Très bien dit! You have succinctly expressed what (I believe) every parent should. As a mother, it is one of my greatest challenges to take the following story to heart:

    “If you hold a butterfly too tightly in your hands, you take all the oil off its wings and it can’t fly. You can have the butterfly that way, but the butterfly can’t be a butterfly.
    If you really love a butterfly, you won’t rub all the oil off its wings just so you can clutch it in your hands. If you really love something or someone, don’t hold on too tightly. Let that person be free. Let people be who they are.
    Don’t rub the oil off the butterfly’s wings. Let it fly back to you on its own.”
    –“More Language of Letting Go”; Melody Beattie

    As a result of your very wise posting, I felt compelled to share the following quote with my son:

    “Everything is dangerous, my dear fellow. If it wasn’t so, life wouldn’t be worth living.”
    OSCAR WILDE, “The Importance of Being Earnest”

  23. Rob:
    She will understand. Just like us, we grew to realize our parents got smarter as we got older. Stand strong (as if you need me to tell you this) and stand by your principles, rules, and a Father’s love and protection for his daughter.
    -kp.

  24. @Karoli – thanks. I hope she realizes that I love her so much that I had to make this post!

  25. Love it. I wish my dad had written stuff like that for me. To Rob’s daughter: Be pissed, and then be grateful.