My role in raising my kids


I seem to be sharing this explanation more and more, so I thought I would just blog it instead.

I am a single parent of two kids – by most measures normal kids.  To me they are special in almost anything they do.  But I am their dad – that’s one of my jobs – to love them unconditionally.

But often I am asked why I, as a father, fought for custody of my kids.  My kids are now 15 (almost 16) and 18.  They’ve lived with me for about five years.  Their mother is still involved in their live’s, and now lives only a few miles away.  They see her often – as often as she wants.

I didn’t fight for custody of my kids to “punish” my ex, or anything even remotely close to that.  Some of my readers know what I went through during those years and wouldn’t blame me if that was my motivation – but it wasn’t.

My job on this planet, for now, and the foreseeable future is to raise decent, productive and polite human beings – and I simply thought I was better suited to accomplish this at the time then my ex was.  I think I still am.

I said my kids are average, because I don’t like to brag – but they are also remarkable, and interesting, and thoughtful, and loving, and – and – and.  I am a proud father – I could go on and on.  They are, in fact, really decent “kids”.  They work hard at school, and normally do well.  They treat friends like friends should be treated and they don’t see police officers as “the bad guy”.  I am lucky.

I am raising my kids because it’s what I want to do.  That’s the most simplistic explanation I can give you.  I can’t imagine NOT raising them.  I love them, and I need them at least as much as they need me.  It is hard watching them inch closer and closer to leaving the nest.

So please, no more questions on “why did you get the kids” – I wanted them, and fought for them. Please no more emails accusing me of stealing  my kids from my ex – I could not steal what was never hers.  I agree with you that kids need a “mommy” – but they need a “daddy” as well.  My kids live where they want to live – with the parent they are most comfortable living with right now.  It’s not about which parent they love more – it’s a lot deeper than that – it’s about security, comfort, familiarity, friends, family, and a lot more things that my kids have both considered.  Even five years ago they were capable of making their own decisions on this issue.

So my kids (and I) made decisions that have little or no effect on you and your life, so please don’t assume I am a bitter pissed off and mean-ass ex-husband who “stole” my kids from their mommy.  You couldn’t be more wrong about me – and especially about my kids.

Thanks for enduring the rant.



  1. Hey, I found this post of yours after you linked Violent Acre’s post on Spongebob.

    I personally think that as long as a person is competant, caring, and willing to take up the task of raising kids, then they should be awarded the task. Gender shouldn’t matter. As long as you can do this for your kids, then you are a great parent. From the sound of it, you are raising two respectful and good kids.

  2. Deannie, this is an old post, but something came up today (dealing with an idiot) that caused me to re-read it. And I really appreciate your comment now more than ever.

    Thanks much, and hugs right back at ya!


  3. As a woman who grew up with a father who was virtually nonexistant in my life, I can’t begin to talk about the value I put on a man’s relationship with his kids, his daughters in particular. This single relationship can alter the course of a person’s life like no other I know of…much has been written on this topic.

    It amazes me that there are those folks who question a man who actually takes an interest in his children. I loudly applaud you!