Selling Religion

It’s almost 10PM.

My doorbell just rang.  I’m in my bedroom hooking up a new toy I can’t talk about yet (no, you weirdo – it doesn’t hook up to ME – it hooks up to the TV).

Anyway, I go all the way to the front door (with a gun, of course – it’s dark!).

I ask who it is and they say they are are Missionaries.

Leaving out the details, if they didn’t really have the fear of god in them before, then they most certainly do now.

And all of this led me to post a sign on my front door:

Rules to read before you bother me:

  1. If you came to deliver something I ordered, please ring the bell.
  2. If you came to deliver salvation please go to… the house next door.
  3. And if you had to read this far (and Rule #1 does not apply) then yes – YOU ARE SOMEONE I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO.  GO THE HELL AWAY.

Yes, I like my privacy.  If I didn’t I would not have bought a home – I would have stayed in the Navy and lived on a boat with hundreds of other people just feet away from me.

I want to start a new campaign for a symbol you put on the outside of your home that basically means you are an “unlisted address” and if somebody has business with me that I initiated they are welcome.  Anyone else can expect the abuse I will rain down upon them.

It’s 10PM, for crying out loud!


  1. OK – I did add another line to the sign on the door – “other inquiries can contact“.

    And yes, that’s an actual email address. What? Your doorbell doesn’t have it’s own?