Things my friends should do BEFORE they call me for help with their computer…

  1. Reboot.  I don’t care what Operating System you are running.  Rebooting is like a gigantic colonic for computers.  I know it’s a pain in the ass for you to reboot – it’s also a pain in the ass for me to sit on the phone with you for 5 minutes waiting for your damn machine to reboot!
  2. Write down any error messages you get before you call me.  Don’t call and tell me, “I got an error box” when you don’t have a clue what it said!
  3. If I am walking you through something, type EXACTLY what I tell you.  If I tell you, “Press F3” then I mean press the key that says “F3” on it.  I DO NOT mean for you to type “F and 3”.  If I want you to type “F and 3” I’ll tell you to “type F and 3”!
  4. Don’t call me a third time with the same problem if I have already walked you through fixing it twice before.  Write down the steps I gave you.  Wow – awesome idea!
  5. Run Antivirus and Anti-Spyware software.  Even God only helps those who help themselves.  My first question to you will be, “What AntiVirus and AntiSpyware software do you have installed?”  If you say none, it will be a very short conversation!  I KNOW YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THOSE THINGS – SO WHAT!?!?!  My time is valuable to me, don’t waste it.
  6. Make sure your computer is up to date with the latest software.  On Windows run Microsoft Update (better yet, set it to run automatically).
  7. When you first call, please ask me if I have time to help you.  It could be that I actually have something more important going on in my life at that moment.
  8. If this is asking to much of you, then please, don’t ask anything of me.  I won’t help you if you aren’t willing to do at least a little bit of the work!


  1. Paul, Deannie – I can settle this.  Although I *will* drink wheat beer when forced, I don’t like it.  So Paul, you can have the wheat beer.

    Paul you know damned well that beer isn’t the only thing you are missing since you’ve been married!


  2. @deannie: Kiddo! I take issue with this post of yours! Not so much that I don’t get any wheat beer out of it, but … wait.. yes, that IS it! JUST that… that Mr. Grumpy here gets ALL the beer, and I don’t get any! What IS this? JUST because he’s not married? The UNmarried now get all the beer? NOW… after I have been unmarried for 45 years .. then I think, maybe when I marry, I get some beer .. and then, I marry, and they just simply change the rules on me? *falls down sobbing heavily* WHY ALWAYS ME?

  3. Okay, I just have to say that you two are just NOT RIGHT (pointing to the head here). The humor among friends is the best. Here Rob, I have some wheat beer RIGHT HERE for you now! 😉 deannie

  4. Yes, I’m kidding, but I’m ALSO posting in your blog to .. let’s say .. ‘keep you honest’ .. so if you’re getting the impression that I’m always so negative… I think the world of you, but I also tend to be one of those guys/friends who WILL tell you when you’re bullshitting! And I don’t expect anything less in return. (Not that I ever do any bullshitting of course, but you know what I mean). As for having the same ‘kind’ of friends… you know, now that you mention it, I NEVER have anyone call me with technical questions. I’m serious! Hmmm…  let me ponder this!

  5. 🙂 Money rules, Paul!  Actually, I know you are kidding because I know you have some of the same "friends" I do who can never seem to remember how to renew an IP address – no matter how many times we show them!

    (And yes, even my friends can move up in the queue by paying me.  Beer is a suitable currency)


  6. Well… well worded ??.. Hmm.. Quite frankly.. I found it a bit harsh! I mean… I’m his FRIEND, damnit… if I KNEW all those things, I probably wouldn’t be calling him!If this is how he treats us, friends, then we are VERY jealous of his customers, since THOSE, according to his many customer-centric posts, are treated royally!I, a friend, demand EQUAL treatment! No! I want to be MORE than his customer! If I wanted to be his customer, I would give him money for his efforts! But I’m his FRIEND, damnit!

  7. Bookmarking this entry and forwarding this from now on for all personal support requests I get…Well worded! 🙂 deannie