Monday I pulled into my driveway and saw a woman filling a water jug from my outside faucet. At first it didn’t bother me – I thought she was thirsty, and I certainly can afford to have someone quench their thirst.
As I got closer I noticed she was from a “water softening company”. I got out of my vehicle and and what she was doing and she said, “We are going to give you a free water report – it’s valued at $49”.
I told her to get the hell off my property before I called the cops, or shot her. I also warned her that my neighbors also had similar feeling about their personal property, and that they too were armed. I asked if she had a city issued permit to conduct door to door business in my community and her reply was, “I’m not going to any doors, so I don’t need one”. I reached into the garage and grabbed a two by four and she quickly left – I saw her get in her car and drive away. My neighbors were safe.
Today I am looking at the front lawn camera and I see a guy digging a hole in my front yard with a hand-spade. I knew what he was doing – every year this “lawn analysis company” sends me a report on my soil, my grass, and how they can make it all better for close to a thousand dollars.
But I had never actually caught them digging in my yard.
I didn’t even give him time to tell me what a great service he was doing for me “for free” – I exited the front door with a Smith & Wesson 9mm in my hand and I told him to get the hell off my property and that if he was smart he would get the hell out of my community.
45 minutes later the local police department showed up (one cop in one car, no lights on). He parked out front, and I went out to greet him. I figured I knew why he was there.
The officer was very polite, asked me if I had a gun, and I said yes, more than one – in the house. He asked if I threatened to use it and I told him exactly what I did. He said I couldn’t threaten someone just for approaching my house – that’s when I explained that the guy was digging in my yard, taking my soil and grass – and I showed him the hole, and the shovel the guy decided not to stick around to retrieve.
At first the officer said he thought I over-reacted, that the guy was just getting a small amount of soil for a sample…
Until I asked, “If I went into the bank up the street and took only 75 cents, would that still be theft?” He said yes, and started laughing – he knew where I was going. But I asked anyway, “How much dirt does he need to steal before it is theft – one truck full, two?”
At that point he told me I had not broken any laws (I knew that – I couldn’t even be charged with “brandishing a weapon” since I was in effect protecting my property) and that I could in fact press charges on the guy. I declined to do that – not worth the time.
But I’m sure he’ll never come back to my house. So my goal was achieved.
And THAT was worth my time.