Why aren’t you married, Rob?

I talked to an ex-coworker today.  He and I were both divorced single parents when we met.  His children were much younger than mine – but he recently got re-married.  He is concerned that I haven’t.

I could give a lot of reasons why I haven’t gotten re-married.  My kids are old enough now that it makes more sense for me to wait a couple years – they will both be on their own then.

I’ve not wanted to bring another person into their lives.  I thought we were doing well enough just keeping our shit together without inviting in someone else.

But honestly – I just haven’t fallen in love with anyone – and it is that simple.  One day, I hope to fall in love again, but it just hasn’t happened.  I know I haven’t tried to make it happen – I work a lot of hours.  And I truly like my life – but that doesn’t mean I want to grow old alone.

But my family and friends really need to stop worrying about me.  I am very happy.  I like where my life is, and I like where I am in my life.

I have no aversion to women and would certainly love to be in love again.

But you can’t make love happen.

It will.  Or it won’t.

I am cool with it either way.  I wish my friends and family would understand that.

I don’t need someone else in my life right now.  As much as I would enjoy the feeling of being in love again it just isn’t all that important to me right at this time in my life.

I love my kids, I want to raise them right.  I love my work, and want to do it right.  I am unwilling to give in on either of these passions.  And that makes me a hard guy to get to know.  Or love.  

And for now, I am happy with that.

Be happy for me.  Stop worrying about me.  Please 🙂  I am a very happy unmarried father of two.

And that won’t be changing anytime soon.


  1. @Rob, having an ‘ex’ and 2 kids… you’re off the hook regarding the gay thing.
    (Never mind Ted Haggerd!)
    @Deannie .. That those people care is obvious. The odd thing is .. why do these (well meaning) people think that being single equates to being unhappy .. or more generally (profound thought!) .. why people who DIFFER from how THEY are must, therefore, be inferior, or at least, worst off. It’s the old “I’m SO sorry you don’t belong to MY group” thing. This group-centric thinking is most obvious in (and you felt this coming!) in matters of faith. Quite visible in modern American society and carried to an extreme (if you don’t belong to my ‘group’, I’ll have to kill you) in the extremist Muslim faith (not to mention… the Bible isn’t far off from such ideas either!). Scary, really!

  2. deannie says:

    You might consider the fact that many folks care about you and that is why they ask. 🙂

    Since I have only lived here for a few years few people really know me and even look beyond what is happening in the moment.

  3. @Paul – Hah! I never thought about people thinking I am gay. Perhaps some do. I don’t care what people think. I DO care when someone invites me to dinner or drinks and there “just happens” to be a single woman my age invited as well -without my knowledge. I find that once that happens I stop taking any invites from those people. Now I don’t mind so much if they tell me up front what they are doing – but trying to surprise me sucks/

    @Katt – yes, you guys have been real good about minding your own business 🙂 – and I appreciate it. Thanks!

  4. Married or not is no ones business but yours. The reasons are yours too. As long as your happy and keep that witty sense of humor then thats all that matters. I think I can speak for Ric and I when I say get married when you want. We are glad you’re happy and things are going well for you. We won’t bug you to get married or get a live in or anything like that, so just keep on doing what you’re doing. Our noses will not be butting into your life.

  5. Since I didn’t get married until I was 45, I have had my share of these ‘encouragements’ to share my life with someone.
    The odd thing is that this was usualy done by people who weren’t that happy in their marriage themselves.
    As if the were jealous of my ‘freedom’ and wanted me to share their missery.
    Maybe that plays a role, Rob!

    Also disturbing were the instances (quite a few) where people, confronted with the fact that I was in my 30’s/40’s and was (still) single, concluded that I therefore must be homosexual (which I am not).Especially embarrassing when these people themselves were homosexual!
    Anyway, I’m very-happily married now, so I guess I’m “cured” and “normal” now 😉

  6. i wasn’t worried at all!

    I’m just glad you are happy.

  7. Isn’t it funny how folks think you’re weird for not being attached? I have friends who are perfectly happy being single and aren’t looking, even. Nothing wrong with that, but it really seems to make some folks uneasy. 🙂 I liked your answer; I’m sending it to my “happy in their circumstances and skin” friends.